Chapter 26 The Conflict Of Quollio
If I endure the discomfort rising in my throat, a sourness that stings my nose comes in its place.
Even if I hold back something, another something torments me in a vicious cycle.
As Quollio wiped his dirty mouth, he self-deprecatingly thought, "My life is just like this."
"You, why are you grinning after falling to the back again? The next training will start soon. Hurry to the training ground."
"...Yes."
Dragging his heavy body like lead towards the training ground, Quollio thought again.
(My life is really harsh on me.)
Quollio had a thirst for knowledge.
Why does it rain? Why does the wind blow?
Why did that country rise? Why did it fall?
From the history of the small stones by the roadside to the unfathomable mysteries like a bottomless swamp, his curiosity shone brightly; he had a scholarly temperament.
That's why he loved books, the condensation of knowledge, and it was not uncommon for him to spend an entire day reading. It was not a burden at all.
It was only natural for him to aspire to be a scholar or researcher as his future dream.
However, the name Batigan that Quollio bore did not align with his true nature.
The Batigan family was a noble lineage that worshipped the Yuglith religion, which revered 'those who fight bravely,' and had produced knights for generations.
With history, faith, and the pride of generations, the Batigan family did not approve of Quollio aspiring to be a scholar.
How many times had he thought it was too much?
Forced into the knight order, he was drilled day in and day out. He could find no meaning or significance in those days.
"Hey, you."
"You are Ms. Eshurareze, aren't you? What do you want with someone like me?"
Perhaps that was why.
Even when he was suddenly approached by a girl rumored to be attracting attention among the new recruits for her looks and abilities, Quollio's heart did not lift much.
Even if her beauty was clouded by irritation at his self-deprecating remarks, he didn't care much.
However, there was something even more puzzling.
He had no idea why Shura, who stood out but had a lone wolf temperament, would approach him.
"I heard you're that guy's roommate."
"Roommate? You mean Hiiro Merifar?"
"Yeah. I haven't seen him at all during today's training. You must know something, right?"
Why does she want to know that?
The question naturally arose. But what won out was not a desire to explore the question, but only the irritation that gnawed at his heart.
"No, I don't know. He's probably just slacking off or something."
"Him? No way, that's impossible."
"Why can you say that so confidently? You might not know, since you're not a graduate of the academy, but he was part of that nasty noble's entourage, you know? It's not strange at all if his lack of seriousness shows up now."
Because he hated being pursued, his dismissive remark was like gossip, yet the girl showed not a shred of agreement.
On the contrary, her red eyes glared at him with suspicion, fueling Quollio's anxiety and irritation.
"That's right, that's how he should be. He probably got fed up with the tough training and ran away. It must be that────"
"Are you serious about that?"
"...Huh?"
"After just a week, there are already dropouts from this training, and on top of that, he's the kind of 'physical idiot' who does extra training every morning and night. You think he would run away from training now? I'm telling you again, that's impossible."
"Why do you know that...?"
"It doesn't matter why. But something that even I know, there's no way you, his roommate, wouldn't know, right?"
"!"
"You... you do know, don't you? 'The reason he disappeared'."
Faced with the pointed conclusion, the truth behind the exposed lie, Quollio held his breath.
There was no way he didn't know the reason Hiiro wasn't here. He couldn't possibly have no idea.
After all, his heart had been restless.
Since this morning, when he saw Hiiro's empty bed, which had already been a shell.
And since he went to the vacant lot where Hiiro was "supposed to be training" early in the morning.
Even now, his heart was noisy, restless, and unbearable.
"Shut up!"
"!"
"I told you I don't know! Where he is and what he's doing has nothing to do with me!"
The tantrum that burst forth like an overinflated balloon was, without a doubt, the anger directed at what tormented his mind.
Quollio couldn't understand it. Especially not in the past few days. Today in particular, it was unbearable, filled with things he couldn't comprehend.
For Quollio, Hiiro Merifar's reputation was as low as it could get. It was only natural to feel hatred and disdain. After all, he was the one who had carelessly discarded a precious and important book.
He was a man Quollio wanted nothing to do with. The bad reputation he had heard during his school days only intensified his aversion to Hiiro.
And yet. Since their unwanted reunion, he seemed like a completely different person.
His seriousness towards training, his earnest desire to become stronger──everything was different. It wasn't just that he was serious.
Despite having rejected him the day before by saying, "Stay away from me," he had reached out a hand to Quollio when he collapsed, unable to keep up with the training. It was impossible not to feel confused.
There was no way he could understand.
"I don't know anything about that guy, and I don't want to! No, I shouldn't even have to try to understand him!"
He had heard rumors that Hiiro had gotten into a fight with Ruzure, and he had even seen Ruzure glaring at Hiiro with eyes filled with hatred.
So, he thought it was simply fear of isolation.
He was just a small man who would even cling to someone he had once belittled. He had tried to cover up the discomfort he felt with a cold satisfaction.
'...I'm sorry.'
He thought that couldn’t be right. Don’t mess with me. He wasn’t that kind of person. Wasn’t he supposed to be more ruthless, someone who didn’t give a damn about anyone else?
Why now? Please, stop it.
Neither his father nor his mother, nor his grandfather or grandmother, ever gave a damn about him.
Why, of all people, does he have to be cared for by you?
Please, don’t make him feel worse than he already does.
"It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. No matter what he does, it has nothing to do with me. It has... nothing to do with me."
That's why. He had tried to keep the cowardly man at bay by flashing hope (forgiveness). He had wished for at least a moment of silence.
Since this morning, it had been unbearably noisy.
Quollio was still tormented by the lingering 'guilt' that clung to him.
"...I see. Fine then."
With the rejection he had thrust upon her, a quiet sigh escaped the girl's lips.
Then, Eshurareze turned her back, indicating that there was nothing more to discuss.
She probably wasn't satisfied. She didn't hide her frustration, which was just as intense as Quollio's. However, her slender yet straightened back contrasted sharply with Quollio, who was hunched over in despair.
(Why do I have to... endure such a miserable and bitter experience?)
Quollio's life might indeed be harsh on him.
But.
The carelessness in his reading and the sincere-seeming apology he had pushed away were seeds he had sown himself.
(It's all his fault. Damn it. Why, why does it have to be this way──)
Why was he nowhere to be found?
Perhaps he was.
Escaping from the words that followed, Quollio made his way to the training ground.
For the first time since joining the knight order, the bookworm felt the urge to move his body.
To mask the irony of it all, Quollio kicked a small stone that lay on the path.
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