Chapter 25 Closure To The Past
"Keke. You look like you're in a bad mood, Hiiro. Lucky me to see that face of yours right before mealtime."
(My misfortune makes the food taste better, huh? This guy hasn't changed, in a bad way.)
As expected.
The way he shamelessly throws out such vile comments shows that even if he becomes a knight, he's still the same person.
Speaking of awkwardness, my relationship with Ruzure still had cracks in it.
In terms of hostility, he might be the more troublesome one. Whenever we happen to cross paths, it's either sarcasm, insults, or outright ignoring each other. It's not pleasant at all.
However, even though we're both rookie soldiers, I had few opportunities to face Ruzure. Rumor has it he's been skipping training, using his noble status as an excuse.
(...Wait a minute. Maybe...)
“Shouk. You remember that guy, Quollio?”
"Huh? Quollio? Oh! That skinny guy with glasses we roasted a while back. Keke, what a nostalgic story you're bringing up."
Just as I thought, Shouk seemed to remember Quollio. However, the mocking grin he wore hinted at the unsettling direction the conversation was taking.
“You said you roasted him, right?”
"Hey, why don't you remember? It was you, Hiiro, who threw that guy's book into the drainage when he bumped into Ruzure, right?"
"...Book, you say?"
"The look on that glasses-wearing guy's face was a masterpiece. He looked like he was about to cry. Well, it was his own fault for reading while walking, keke!"
"────..."
Ah, damn it. No wonder.
A bitter feeling, more harmful than I expected, made my tongue tingle.
It felt worse than when I had to pay for that guy.
No matter how I looked at it, it was the worst feeling.
"Ah, hey, Hiiro! ...Tch, what's up with that guy?"
I didn't even have the energy to turn around at the insults coming from behind.
My throat felt tight even though I wasn't thirsty.
The sensation in my heels felt distant.
I knew how much Quollio cherished his book; after spending a week in the same room, it was impossible not to.
If I denied that right in front of him, it was only natural for him to show such rejection.
(Hiiro. Are you still the protagonist?)
Even if it was my past self that made Quollio feel that way, it didn't change the fact that it was still "me."
Then it was up to "me" to do something about it.
Even if I set aside the insistence of being a hero.
I absolutely couldn't let things stay this way. I truly felt that way.
* * *
Outside the window, the bored moon was tilting.
"...What on earth are you doing?"
"...As you can see."
The ceiling lamp swayed lightly, reflecting Quollio's agitation.
After finishing training and dinner, the dorm room was quieter than usual, especially after the incident during the day.
I was bowing deeply.
"That's not it. Why are you in that position?"
"Only one reason. I threw your damn book away."
"!!"
"...I'm apologizing."
I was clearly aware of it. I was not smart.
I had been thinking about it since then, but I couldn't come up with a clever way to mend our relationship.
So I decided to keep it simple and went for it.
With all my heart, I bowed my head. Not just with words distorted through a filter, but with my whole body.
From my forehead pressed against the cold floor, I could still feel the chill of early spring.
"You are cowardly."
Quollio's voice, coming from above, was layered with confusion and contempt.
"Now that Ruzure has rejected you and you have nowhere to go, you try to ingratiate yourself with me. That's all it is, right? I won't fall for that."
"No, that's not it. I realized I had to apologize, so I'm bowing my head. My position doesn't matter; your petty reasoning doesn’t apply here. I can’t forgive myself if I don't apologize."
"What's that? That's unfair! This is no different from violence!"
"Violence, huh? Maybe it is. But you don’t have to forgive me. This is my resolution."
"...What's a resolution? You coward."
Cowardly. Maybe that's true.
In the end, since I hadn't directly harmed him, it was no different from a superficial apology.
It could be seen as a one-sided imposition to erase my own guilt.
Even so, I had no intention of stopping.
"..."
How long has it been?
As I clenched my rounded fist, I heard the sound of grinding teeth near my ear.
A deep sigh, like swallowing bitter saliva, fell into the air.
"The Pleiades Star Crown Beast Catalog. That's the name of the book you discarded."
"...Book?"
"Yeah. If you want me to forgive you that much, try compensating for it. That book is a manuscript published in a foreign country. It's a rare item that might not even be circulating in this country right now. Just finding it would be a pain."
"..."
The Pleiades Star Crown Beast Catalog.
It's probably a concession from Quollio to prevent my apology from being superficial. With that, I can settle things.
While Quollio tossed it out half-heartedly, my clenched fist trembled slightly.
"You get it, right? So, as I've said many times, just leave me alone. I'm not planning to get involved with you anymore."
"Yeah, got it."
Quollio turned away and lay down on the bed.
The way he wrapped himself in the blanket roughly had more of a sulky childishness than rejection.
(...Alright. Time to sleep. Prepare for tomorrow.)
I had decided what to do. Once decided, I would charge ahead without any more fuss. That's what a protagonist does, right?
I turned off the lamp and crawled into bed.
Suddenly, in the room dyed in darkness, the softly glowing moon and stars shone like a modest hope.
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