Volume 3 Chapter 35 Confidence
"Do, do you not have confidence in yourself?"
I thought I misheard and couldn't help but ask again.
I never imagined I would hear such words from "that Suisen." My head was filled with question marks as I instinctively tilted my head.
"...Is this, is this some kind of joke?"
"It's not a joke. I really, I really have no confidence in myself. It's not just that; I even 'hate' this version of myself."
"..."
He clearly said he hated himself.
Moreover, Suisen's face was clouded with gloom, completely changed, and he started mumbling negative things.
"I'm just a burden with no job class, useless and without any redeeming qualities. I've never even dated a woman, yet I'm called a womanizer who preys on female adventurers. I'm not an adventurer; I'm just a worthless guy who has the potential to be disliked by others..."
"..."
Hearing that murmur, I stood there in disbelief.
Could this really be the Suisen I know? It felt like an act.
"B-but, you always had such a confident attitude and loved yourself, right? So how can you say you have no confidence...?"
"That was just an act. It was like a spell to motivate myself. I just kept telling myself, 'I am beautiful,' to feel reassured."
"Really..."
So that side of him was the act.
All those self-loving statements were lies.
I thought he was someone who loved himself dearly, but the reality was completely different.
"Then, what about the times you were always admiring your face in the mirror?"
"I have no confidence in my appearance, so I'm always worried about my face and hairstyle."
"What about when you bought flowers in a pretentious way?"
"I just tried to look good to others, that's all. There was no special meaning behind it."
"..."
The image of Suisen in my head is crumbling with a sound.
All my actions until now came from a lack of confidence.
But when I think about it, it makes sense.
I've heard that people who constantly check their hairstyle or makeup do so because they lack confidence and feel anxious.
Especially during puberty, when people start caring about their appearance or develop crushes, those behaviors tend to increase.
So, Suisen was the same way.
"By the way, how does Roezé know that I bought flowers at the flower shop? I was the only one there at that time..."
"Ah, that's..."
I decided to reveal what happened yesterday.
When I told him I had been secretly monitoring his actions to understand Suisen's worries, he slightly relaxed his cheeks.
"You really do some bold things."
"I'm, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have followed you without saying anything..."
"There's no need to apologize. You did it to understand my worries, right? It wouldn't make sense for me to blame you for that. In fact, I feel more sorry for making you waste your precious time for something like this."
"..."
Once again, Suisen made a negative comment, clouding the atmosphere.
He really seems to be making a lot of negative statements, almost like a different person.
This isn't the Suisen I know...
It seems like he truly lacks confidence.
"Could it be that you didn't approach Ms. Alium because you didn't have the confidence to talk to her?"
"Yeah, that's right. I also didn't want Ms. Sianna Navis's fans to notice my feelings, but the main reason was that I lacked confidence."
Suisen's expression darkened, and he looked down deeply, letting out a gloomy voice.
"I've always been like this. Since I was young, I've been overly concerned about how others see me, desperately trying to be liked by others. Even when girls confessed to me, I thought there couldn't possibly be anyone who would like someone like me, so I doubted it was anything but a prank or teasing and turned them all down. Even now, I wonder if it was just a joke."
"..."
He's way too weak-minded.
If he has such a good face, it wouldn't be strange for people to be drawn to him.
But even with such a blessed appearance, he has such a lack of confidence.
That's the 'big problem' Suisen is facing.
"Thinking back to when I was 6, did that girl who gave me candy really like me? Or did she just say that to get me to help her eat all the extra candy she bought? The love letter I got when I was 8 had a girl's name on it, but wasn't it just written by the boys who didn't like me as a prank..."
"Okay, okay. I get it. I understand Suisen's worries now."
I never imagined he was this much of a worrywart.
Maybe the reason he always arrives first at our meeting spots or waited 6 hours in front of the Nurturer when we first met is because of that anxiety? Anyway, I understand that this is the problem preventing Suisen from awakening his job class.
If I can help him resolve this, he'll probably be able to receive a job class from the gods again, just like Hero Dandelion.
But how can I help Suisen with his worries? If he lacks confidence, does that mean if I help him gain confidence, his job class will awaken?
"Gaining confidence... gaining confidence..."
Even if I repeat it out loud, I can't think of a way right away.
I mean, this is basically Suisen's 'mental issue,' so isn't there no room for me to intervene at all?
Even though the worries have finally become clear, I'm stuck in silence because I don't know how to help.
Seeing this, Suisen gave a self-deprecating smile.
"Haha, I knew it was impossible. There's no way I can become strong like this. I don't have a job class, no guts, no redeeming qualities, and on top of that, I'm 'Suisen the womanizer' with 0 popularity..."
"..."
Well, let's put that unfortunate nickname aside for now.
I quietly dive into deep thought in my mind.
A way to give the unsure Suisen some confidence.
His natural delicate heart has made his weakness deeply rooted.
That kind of thing can't be removed overnight.
Besides, there's no guarantee that solving his worries will awaken a job class.
If that's the case, then there's really only one way to make Suisen stronger.
"...I do think it's tough to solve Suisen's worries. It's not something that can be overcome right away."
"Of course, I know that myself. I understand that this lack of confidence isn't something that can be fixed immediately."
"Yeah. So, how about we put the job class awakening on hold for now?"
"Huh?"
At the sudden suggestion, Suisen opened his mouth in surprise.
Right after, he asked me back, his face twitching in agitation.
"So, does that mean giving up on becoming strong? Because there's no hope for my job class to awaken, I should just give up on everything...?"
"No, that's not it. We're just putting the job class awakening on hold; it doesn't mean we're giving up on becoming strong. Even if the job class doesn't awaken, there are other ways to get stronger."
"Other ways?"
Suisen tilted his head in confusion, and I rolled up my sleeve to show my arm as I said,
"For now, let's aim to improve our raw 'physical ability' and get stronger".
"Raw physical ability? You mean training the body?"
"Well, with muscle strengthening training and martial arts guidance, plus gaining practical experience through monster subjugation, I can definitely build up your body. Right now, instead of betting on a job class that we don't even know if it'll awaken, this method will surely help you strengthen your foundation."
"..."
His eyes widened in surprise.
He seemed confused by the unexpected training method I suggested.
After all, even if he strengthens his physical abilities now, he won't become much stronger without a job class.
But it's definitely better than doing nothing.
I've heard stories where an adventurer with a weak job class divine blessing climbed all the way to Rank 1 just by having strong foundational strength.
"Plus, if you build your body, you'll naturally gain confidence too. Even muscle enthusiasts say that. So how about we proceed with training based on that idea?"
"Y-Yeah, I've heard that before. That muscle and confidence come together. But, muscle, huh..."
He murmured while resting his chin on his hand, lost in thought for a moment.
Then he looked down at his body, pinching his arms and stomach, and let out a burst of laughter.
"Roezé, you're really something else. I never expected you to suggest such a primitive method."
"W-Well, there's no other way right now."
Suisen laughed amusingly, but in the end, he agreed with my proposal.
A clever strategy that builds foundational strength while also hoping for the awakening of a job class.
As he said, it is primitive and quite simple, but I think it's the best strategy given the current situation.
Since he lacks both foundational strength and confidence, I believe that a straightforward training approach will be the most effective.
So, starting that day, I decided to join him in his special training.
We promised to do it for just 2 weeks.
I would provide as much guidance as possible on boosting, monster subjugation, and weapon handling.
I also have other jobs as a Nurturer, so I decided to fit in watching his special training during the gaps, helping him steadily build his strength.
All of this is to confess to Ms. Alium.
* * *
Then, 2 weeks passed quickly.
He showed remarkable growth in a short time, and changes in his physique began to appear.
He was quick to grasp martial arts and steadily gained real combat experience in monster subjugation, allowing him to grow significantly.
However...
[Job Class]
[Level]
[Skill]
[Magic]
[Divine Blessing]
In the end, Suisen never awakened a job class.
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