Volume 2 Chapter 25 Toxy
That night, after disbanding, Toxy was in the room of the inn she was currently staying at, breathing heavily.
"Ah... Wade. Oh, Wade!"
Emotions were raging inside Toxy. Incoherent words kept pouring out.
"Why?"
A tear fell from her eyes. It trickled through the gaps between the fingers covering her face.
"Why won't you respond? Why won't you choose me? After doing all that for you, am I not special?"
Special. Her thoughts spun around.
"Wade is special. I understood what everyone said. Truly, truly amazing. More handsome, stronger than anyone, everyone loves Wade. Wade is a special person."
Toxy wanted to become a part of Wade. A sticky emotion leaked from her mouth.
"I'm glad it was poison magic. I'm glad, Father. Because if it weren't for the poison magic, I couldn't become a part of Wade. I couldn't have taken a part of myself and become one with Wade."
While writhing in agony, Toxy finally realized that she had reached her limit. Shey usually make sure to drink when she feel unsafe in public, but she let her guard down when alone.
"I have to take my medicine."
Using poison magic, Toxy creates a variety of psychotropic drugs. From easing depressive symptoms, to combating schizophrenia, dissociative disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorders...
She makes up all these drugs with her poison magic, gulp them all down in one go, and then quickly wash her down with water.
Swallowing them down, she waits quietly for the effects to kick in. Gradually, her mind starts to calm down.
"Ah..."
As she starts to feel better, Toxy can transform into a more sensible version of herself.
"...Wade's answer is lonely, but it can't be helped."
The sensible Toxy says aloud. Deep down inside, the real Toxy, who is a mess and falling apart, spews out poison.
'Why won't you choose me? Just like me only. Don't do dangerous things. I like special Wade. I love you. Don't look at anyone else. I love you. I love. I love you. I love you.'
The exposed Toxy is denied by the sensible Toxy.
"Don't joke around. You're just being selfish. Be more decent."
'It's impossible. You're just a shallow fake. What's the value of common sense anyway? Even when father died, you ran away alone. If you really cared about father, you should have poisoned him.'
"Poisoning is definitely not the answer."
'Then, is it okay to drug Wade today? Drugs that make him stronger come with risks. If he keep taking them, there can be dependency.'
Dependency. With that as the keyword, the inner Toxy undergoes a drastic transformation.
'I want you to depend on me. I want you to become stronger with my magic, I want to build a part of you. I want to become a part of you. I want to become one with you.
"Hey, thinking like that is no good. That's... abnormal."
'What's wrong with being abnormal? It would be great if true happiness lies there. Being a brake role is boring. How could someone like me, addicted to drugs, play the role of a brake? Despite not having a speck of common sense in the first place.'
"That kind of thing."
'It exists. I don't have a speck of common sense. All I have is trauma. Father didn't really die because he lost money, did he?'
"Stop it."
Toxy shakes her head. But the voice echoing from the depths of her heart does not approve.
'Father, who fell victim to scam, was just feeling down. I tried to cheer him up, turned him into a mess with drug, and killed him, didn't I?'
"..."
Toxy took another sip of medicine. By drinking more of the medicine that made her feel better, she could push back the turbulent emotions raging inside him.
As she started to feel happier, the voices in her head grew quieter. Despite knowing that the more she did this, the more she would fall apart.
"Haha! Starting to feel good~"
'Fake. It's going to be impossible someday. You know that, right? Father. Wade. Help me. I love you. I want to be loved. Someone. I'm being killed by myself. I don't want to die.'
"I wonder if there's any alcohol left~?"
After searching a bit, she thought, "If there isn't, I'll just make some!" She poured alcohol into the water with a poison magic. Mixing it and drinking it, it became enough alcohol to get drunk.
"Haha! Delicious~"
'Help me, Wade. Anyone, please help me. I've long passed my limit. Someone, please stop me. I hate lonely nights. I want someone to stop me. I love you, Wade. Love me, Wade.'
"Ah, I'm so happy~"
'Is it okay to keep avoiding reality like this? Your body is already falling apart, you know? Poor Wade, being targeted with all these drugs. You're not worthy of Wade.'
Toxy smiles gleefully and throws themselves onto the bed.
"From now on, let's all be together and have a great time!"
'Someday everyone will find out. I hope they find out soon. I want it to stop. But I'm scared. Don't leave me alone. Don't abandon me. Wade won't abandon me, right? Wade.'
"Ah, I'm looking forward to tomorrow."
Toxy averts her eyes from the emotions they've bottled up and drifts off into a light slumber.
"Let's meet again tomorrow, Wade..."
Muttering softly, deep down, Toxy's chaotic true nature finally spills out with a single word.
'I love you, Wade. So, please don't love someone like me.'
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